


Desiderium

by nxnoire



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Needs a Hug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Identity Reveal, Akumatized Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Akumatized Main Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alya Césaire and Nino Lahiffe Ship It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Identity Reveal, Miraculous Ladybug Love Square, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nxnoire/pseuds/nxnoire
Summary: Desideriumn./ an intense longing for something lost; griefAdrien's life seemed to have been hit by a cataclysmic force. His mother was gone and soon his home would vanish as well, being forced to run away from the tendrils of his father's evil. He confides in Marinette, who happily helps him. Quickly, all sense of right and wrong is destroyed. Discord runs rampant through the streets of Paris, and it's up to the broken heroes to assume their role and push themselves past all limits to bring order back to their homes.





	1. It's My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> also posted on my tumblr: nxnoire

Sometimes, Adrien wanted to rip every picture of his mother off of the walls and destroy all evidence of her existence.

Sure, he missed her more than words could convey but seeing her face haunted him. He knew her disappearance wasn’t his fault, but who else’s could it be? Surely his father wasn’t to blame. The man was cold, but on that day he wasn’t in Paris. There’s was an important conference overseas or something like that. He didn’t care enough to get the details right. Adrien was the last person to see his mother, and the last thing he told her was to leave.

He shook his head and turned the computer off, his mother’s face fading to black. In its place was the reflection of his own face. At that point, he found it hard to believe he was related to her. She was so many things, and he was none of those things. His own face mocked him. It smiled at him, the corners of his lips curled unnaturally. Disturbed, he stood up and walked away, sitting on the edge of his bed.

The morning sun shone through the window, illuminating the room with a soft yellow glow. Sunrise was his mother’s favorite time of day. She always said it had a sort of mystical personality about itself that no other time of day could possibly replicate.

_ It’s just so magical being the only human awake with the sun. There are no worries. You can hear the birds singing a song of peace. Life begins to wake, yet you’re the only human present. It’s unlike anything else. For those few minutes, you are one with the world. Nature is happy to see you, the kind human to witness their display of beauty. _

Her words echoed through his head, as they always seemed to when he was thinking of her. It brought tears to his eyes. They rolled down his face, only making their presence known by the tiny tickle they gave him. He rubbed them away with the sleeve of the hoodie she had made for him.

Through the window, he saw a dragonfly flying by. It looked at him for a few seconds before flying off to live the rest of its short life.

The time screamed at him from the wall. There wasn’t much time left until school started. If he didn’t start getting ready now, he’d be late to school. His father wouldn’t be too happy if he found out his son was late to school because he spent too much time looking out the window.

What was the point of going, anyway? Would learning help him think of a way to bring her back? Could seven hours of work heal the pain in his heart?

Of course, it couldn’t.

_ Just go away, Mom. _

He couldn’t change the past.

_Leave me alone! _

There was no taking back what he said. He told her to leave, and she did.

**It’s all his fault.**


	2. The Hole of Depression

Nathalie knocked on Adrien's door, wondering why the teen hadn't left his room yet. Adrien heard the knock, but it didn't register in his mind. It was a sound in the background of the noise in his mind. The tears in his eyes were a trillion times louder than the whisper of the knock.

Plagg nudged him, trying to gain any sort of reaction. "Adrien, you need to get up," he urged.

He looked his the black kwami with a blank expression. Blinking, he stood up and made his way over to the door.

Nathalie opened the door just as Adrien made his way to it. "It's time for school, Adrien."

"I'm staying home. I don't feel well," he said with a hoarse voice. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, drying the ocean under his eyes.

Nathalie nodded and let him be, shutting the door without a sound. Adrien walked like a zombie back to his bed. He crawled under the warm covers, their calls irresistible in his state.

Plagg flew to his face. "What are you doing?"

"I'm staying home. There's no point in going, anyway."

"But–" Adrien turned over, cutting his kwami off. Plagg sighed, knowing Adrien was in no mood to argue. "Whatever helps you, Adrien."

At school, Marinette was getting overly worried. Adrien never missed school. His immune system was almost impenetrable, and on the off chance he did get sick, he always forced himself to go to school. Whatever he came down with must have been serious if it made him stay home that day.

Nino turned around to face the girls behind him. "Have you guys heard from Adrien?"

"No," both girls replied.

He hummed in thought. "He might be sick then."

"Or maybe he had an early photoshoot today," Alya suggested.

"No, he doesn't," Marinette chimed in. She knew every single photoshoot he would have for the next year, and his next one wasn't until tomorrow. Today was one of his only free days.

Alya couldn't help but smirk. "Oh, it's not on your calendar?"

Her pressing tone made Marinette stutter. "Ah, no-it's not-it's not like that!" Could she bring herself to tell her best friends that she kept a calendar of everybody's events so she knew exactly where they were in case of an akuma attack? "I...uh-I never heard him say anything about-about a shrotopoot–I mean photoshoot!"

Nino shook his head with a smile. "I'm sure he just got a cold or something." He turned back around and prepared for class.

Alya smiled and listened as Miss Bustier began her lesson. Marinette followed suit, hoping Adrien was feeling okay.

———

"Adrien, it's time for lunch," Nathalie said, standing in front of the sleeping teen.

Adrien's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the bright sunlight filtering through his windows. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her, blinking to fix his blurry vision. He knew his father wouldn't be there, so what was the point of going? Hunger had abandoned his body, replaced by a comfortable emptiness. Eating was so much work. Why eat when he could just lay there and disappear?

"I'm not hungry," he muttered.

"If you're sick, food will only help you," Nathalie advised.

Arguing with the woman would only end with him losing. He gave in and got up, pausing as the world temporarily faded as blood rushes back to his head. Once the light-headedness stopped, he followed Nathalie to the lonely dining room.

He sat down in his chair in silence. His eyes fell to the meal waiting for him. It disgusted him. Whatever appetite he had left had run off somewhere to play games with the joy that had been exiled from his body. Hesitantly, he picked up his fork and looked at Nathalie, who was looking at her tablet.

She didn't look like his mother. Not one bit. Yet, he was supposed to believe she was the mother figure in his life now. She loved him as if he were her son. He was supposed to love her like family as well but–

Tears brimmed at his eyes.

Why was he crying? What had he been crying all morning? He learned to push through the dark and twisty depression. Was that not enough? Was being happier not enough?

A tear rolled down his cheek. He rubbed it away, trying to hide his sadness.

Why did he feel so horrible? Why couldn't he stop the urge to cry?

The dam he had been holding back for so long finally burst. He dry heaved, causing him to cover his mouth. Quickly, he stood up and ran out of the room, ignoring Nathalie's calls for him.

Tears rained down from his eyes. Without stopping, he ran into his bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He fell back against the door and slid to the ground. Almost like instinct, he brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. At that moment he wished for the warmth his mother would always give him when she would hug him.

He was so touch-starved that it hurt. He missed her so much that it brought him physical pain. A thousand bricks sat upon his chest, but how could he possibly feel anything if there was a gap that replaced his heart?

Plagg stood on the other side of the door, deeply saddened by Adrien's depression. He knew that he couldn't do anything to help Adrien. Adrien needed professional help, but he didn't know how to bring it to him.

Nathalie walked into the empty room, hoping to help Adrien. Plagg noticed and flew into his camembert cabinet quickly. She blinked, thinking she had seen something fly by. Her eyes were just playing tricks on her, she figured. It didn't faze her. She walked over to the door and prepared to knock, but heard sobs erupting from the quiet room.

She stopped.

Adrien wasn't sick. He was in pain.

She knew it was due to his mother's absence. What other reason could it be for? There was no way he found out that Gabriel was Hawkmoth. It was impossible. With all of the precautions both parties took to hide any and all evidence, there was no way anybody should have been able to figure it out.

She knocked on the door. "Adrien..." What was she supposed to say? "I..."

"Go away."

"Adrien, I want to help–"

"I don't care."

Nathalie sighed. "Is it about your mother?" No answer. What else did she expect? "I'm going to talk to your father about this. I hope he will make time to talk to you." She turned and left, knowing very well Gabriel wouldn't be able to make time.

She hoped that Gabriel wouldn't change his mind and take advantage of Adrien's negative emotions. If he did, it would only harm the teen. The emotional effects of being akumatized were familiar to her. Even though she had wanted to be akumatized into Catalyst she felt negatively after she turned back to her regular self. It would be too much for Adrien to handle.

In the bathroom, Adrien leaned his head against the door, feeling worse than before. The tears had finally stopped flowing. Perhaps he had become numb to all of the pain again. For the time being, at least. The same thing would happen over again. He was stuck in an infinite loop of pain and suffering. There was no way to get out. He'd keep drowning in the cold waters, slowly inching towards death until the Grim Reaper finally arrived to take him to a safer place.

To a place with his mother.

Maybe that was the way out.

His thoughts came to a halt. He shook his head, wondering what had just come over him. Did he consider death? There was so much he had to do here. Even if he wanted to go, he couldn't.

But, it'd take all of the burdens off his shoulders. Ladybug didn't even need her. She had proven time and time again that she could save Paris without him. Paris would be fine without him. Chat Noir didn't need to be here. Adrien Agreste would be better off disappearing. No more paparazzi. No more attention. No more stress.

His eyes widened. Was he seriously considering death?

No. He didn't want to die. He couldn't permanently leave this place. Even if it's beneficial to him, he would want to come back to the life he built for himself.

He stood up and looked in the mirror at his disheveled self. For once, his image of perfect had dissolved with the tears. Thank god. He hated being perfect.

Was it possible to disappear for a while? He could run away as Chat Noir, but then he'd have to be on constant guard to maintain his hideout. Ladybug would need his help, and there was no way he could hold himself back from helping her.

There was another knock at the door.

"What do you want?" Adrien asked, his voice hoarse and quiet. He was tired of Nathalie bugging him. He was tired of people.

"Adrien," Gabriel said from behind the door.

Adrien's heart skipped a beat. His father had actually decided to come out of his office to come talk to him! For once, his father cared enough to help him. Or did he? He paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob. "Are you here to lecture me again?" Adrien asked, trying not to get his hopes up.

"No. I'm here to talk."

He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. In front of him was a sad face. Before Adrien could say anything, Gabriel embraced him a hug, something Adrien hadn't received from him in a long time.

Once they broke the hug, they walked over to his couch in silence and sat down. Adrien was hesitant to speak up, but he didn't have to.

"I know you miss her," Gabriel began, "We all do." He sighed sadly. "But we have to keep moving. Because one day, everything will go back to normal."

Adrien looked at him, confused. "How can anything go back to the way it was? She's dead, father."

"Yes, but–" he cut himself off, keeping his secret identity hidden. "Emotionally, we can return to normal."

"I did, and now I'm over here thinking about death!" He exclaimed angrily. His eyes widened. He wasn't one to raise his voice at others, and he hadn't meant to tell his father about that, either.

Gabriel looked at his son, ignoring the heavy statement. His eyes fluttered to the ring on his hand, which he had subconsciously begun to toy with. Of course, he had ruled out the theory that Adrien was Chat Noir.

But thinking about it, maybe he was the young hero. The ring was the same. His depression could have been deepened by the weight of being Paris's hero.

Was it the right time to bring the question up? It was one of the only times he'd be able to. But was it really appropriate? His son was hurting and he was supposed to help him. However, if he was Chat Noir, he could get the Miraculous easily. He had to ask now. At least try.

"Adrien, I need to ask you something."

Adrien looked at his father, nodding.

"Are you Chat Noir?"

His stomach dropped to the floor. What was he supposed to say? If he said no, would his father believe him? If he said yes, what would the repercussions be? "I-i, uh...what makes you think that?"

Gabriel motioned to his ring. "The ring on your finger looks a lot like his. Not to mention you two look a bit similar."

Adrien didn't know how to counter that. The ring was the dead giveaway. How could he explain the sudden appearance of it? His father already showed suspicions toward it before. Could he easily shake them off again?

"Son, I wouldn't care if you were." He tried to make it seem as though he were a supportive father. "I would be proud to call myself the father of a superhero." He wouldn't be proud. He'd have been wanting to kill his son for close to two years. He would have been hurting his own son every single day when the Miraculous was under his nose the entire time.

"Father..." Adrien looked at him and noticed something off about his expression. He inched away from him and hid his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the Miraculous. "Even if I were Chat Noir, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Superheroes have to keep their identities a secret or something like that."

"Wouldn't saying that be a way to hide your identity?"

"No matter what it is, I can't tell you whether I am him or not. Besides, I thought you were here to help me!" He stood up and threw his hands out of his pockets.

"If you aren't Chat Noir, take off your ring."

"No! I'm done talking about him!" He felt tears brimming at his eyes. "I just want to talk about Adrien for once," he muttered.

"Adrien...it's okay." Gabriel stood up and embraced his son in another hug. While holding his son, he looked at the ring, trying to hold himself back from snatching it.

"Why do you care so much about Chat Noir?"

"Because I'm curious, son. I'm worried about you and need to know everything so I can help you."

Adrien pulled away and stepped back, trying to put distance between him and his father. If his father had evil intentions, he needed to be far away just in case he needed to escape. "I-I-" he stuttered. His eyes caught sight of Plagg, who looked terrified.

Something was wrong. He shouldn't be telling his father anything. For whatever reason, it wasn't safe. Gabriel noticed Adrien's shocked expression and turned to see what he was looking at. His eyes caught sight of a tail disappearing under the blanket of his bed.

A kwami.

He tried to act like he hadn't seen anything, but he knew his expression gave it away.

"I can explain–"

"No, I know what I saw, Adrien."

His heart pounded harder and harder. "How do you know...?"

Gabriel sighed. "I've become well-aquatinted with the Miraculous over my lifetime."

Adrien backed away. Plagg knew. Plagg could sense his father knew something. He should have kept the secret better. Adrien failed. His father wasn't safe, for whatever reason.

Something clicked inside of him. His father had possession of the Miraculous Spellbook. He never left his house. He seemed interested in the ring.

Could his father be– "Hawkmoth?" He muttered in shock, hoping he was wrong.

Gabriel moved closer to his son. "I hope you'll understand, Adrien. Once I get the Miraculous I can bring her back. We can finally live happily once again."

Adrien moved towards his window. "No! If you do that, it'll come with a sacrifice! It's not right! Terrorizing Paris, for what? Bringing a dead person back? She's dead, let her be dead like she should be! Who do you think you are, Frankenstein? You can't just bring people back and expect it to all be so perfect!" He was about to open the window but his father tried to take the ring.

"Give me the Miraculous and everything will be fine!"

"No!" Adrien ran to his bed and grabbed his phone, shoving it in his pocket. "I can't be here. Not with you, Hawkmoth." Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't. I have a city to save, and I can't leave them behind."

"Son, just do it."

"Plagg," Adrien muttered, causing the black kwami to fly out of the blanket. "Let's go." Adrien walked towards his door, but Nathalie opened it, shocked to see the scene unfolding in front of her eyes. Adrien backed up a bit but stopped when he saw his father getting closer to him. "Nathalie, move." She didn't move.

"Plagg claws out," he muttered, transforming in a bright flash of light.

As he walked away, his father managed to grab his wrist. "Adrien, don't go–"

"Sorry, Adrien isn't available now. You can leave a message for him if you'd like."

Gabriel scoffed and tried grabbing the ring.

"Cataclysm," Chat muttered, causing Gabriel to stop. "You'll never get my Miraculous." He turned and walked past Nathalie, tears rolling down his cheeks as he left behind the last piece of home he had.


	3. Stray Chat

Chat Noir had become a stray cat, roaming Paris trying to find a place to stay the night. It had been close to a half-hour since he had barged out of his house. At first, he just needed to get out and make sense of the spinning thoughts in his head. Now that he had calmed down, he realized the danger of being out in the streets. The sun crept toward the horizon, nighttime coming soon to swallow the city in darkness. He wasn't safe out in the streets alone as a 15-year-old boy. His father—Hawkmoth could akumatize him with no issue, too. For once, he wished the demon wouldn't go looking for his lost son.

He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, trying to think of what to do. Marinette's house stood in front of him. He had considered Nino, but he hadn't been home. He'd crash with Alya, but she'd make a big deal out of it. All he needed was somebody who would help him without question. Marinette was the perfect person.

She sat on her rooftop balcony, sketching in her sketchbook. What would she think if he waltzed in and asked her to shelter the superhero that was supposed to be a figure to look up to? Coming in as Adrien would be his best bet, but, still, it'd be like hitting a brick wall either way. How he would explain himself without giving his secret identity away, he had no idea.

There probably wasn't a good way to. All he'd be able to say is that his father was evil and he ran away. Basically, downplay the story until she was ready to hear the truth. Until he was ready. Truthfully, he didn't think he'd ever be ready to tell her, no matter how much it'd bug him.

He hopped off the roof and landed in an empty alley. Once he made sure nobody was around, he detransformed.

Plagg flew out of the ring and yawned, his yawn resembling a meow. "Did you find a place to stay yet?" He asked, looking at Adrien with anticipation. 

"Yeah. We're gonna stay with Marinette for a while," he answered, beginning to head out of the alley.

Plagg didn't waste his time complaining. The kid needed to be with someone he knew. He needed someone that would understand him when he was ready to reveal his secrets. Someone that would save him and risk their secret if necessary. He needed Ladybug, even if he didn't know it was her.

He hid in Adrien's pocket as they exited the safety of the alley. Adrien took a deep breath and crossed the street, walking closer and closer to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Inside the shop stood Marinette's mother, her husband probably making pastries behind her. He'd walk in that way and tell them he was there to get make-up work or something like that.

He opened the shop door, causing a bell to ring. Sabine put on her retail face and looked up, but shed the mask when she saw it was Adrien who walked in. "Hello, Adrien, are you here to see Marinette?" she asked, a bright smile replacing the robotic one she previously wore. Her cheeks appeared to express a soft rosy color as the smile grew, making her skin glow like the sun.

Adrien hugged his chest, gripping his elbows. "Yeah, is she here? I need help with the work I missed today," he said with his best fake smile.

"She should be in her room."

"Thank you, ma'am." He smiled and walked towards the door. He waved to Tom, who waved back, flour covering his hands and apron.

Once he walked into the apartment, he shed his mask, a more comfortable frown laying on his face. He walked upstairs to Marinette's room, taking his time. For some reason, the beating of his heart intensified from a walk to a sprint. Sweat moistened his hands. What was he supposed to say? Her friend barges in unexpectedly asking to stay with her for an unknown period. Not exactly normal to say the least.

Marinette's room was void of her presence, as expected. It was more of a relief for him, his plan going well. He walked over to her ladder and climbed it, careful not to fall. Quietly, he poked his head out of the trap door and looked at the girl. She was blissfully unaware of his presence, her concentration deep in creating her newest design.

"Marinette?" He called in a quiet voice as to not startle her. 

Marinette threw her sketchbook, shot up and turned around. "A-Adrien?!" She looked at him, flustered. "I thought you were kisk–I mean sick!"

He shook his head. "It's a long story..."

She noticed whatever he wanted to say proceeded to poke at him. "Do you need to talk about it?"

"Can we?"

She nodded and walked over to him, her heart beating rapidly. As they stepped down the ladder, she noticed that her hands were shaking and sweaty. She had become normalized to it but prayed her body would stop freaking out.

They walked over to her desk and sat down in the chairs, facing each other. "So...what's wrong?" she asked, worried.

Adrien looked at the ground. No matter how much he wanted to avoid telling her the story, he had to. He was in her bedroom, the point of no return. Whatever he said, he knew wouldn’t leave the house, through. That comforted him only enough to push him to tell her. "I can't go back home. It's not safe. Not now at least."

"What? Why?"

He sighed heavily. "I just found out my father is Hawkmoth."

Marinette’s eyes were about to pop out of her skull. Of all people she could have been fighting, it had to be Gabriel Agreste. The world-famous fashion designer she looked up to. The father of her crush. Why, of all people, did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it have been anyone else? Someone that didn’t affect her friends. “Adrien...” she muttered sadly, his tears reflecting on her eyes.

Her hands reached out but stopped, not knowing what to do. As Ladybug she found it easy to comfort others. As Marinette...not so much. Especially when the person crying was Adrien. Usually, she hugged those in need and assured them that everything would be alright. It wouldn’t work this time. Nothing would ever alright. What he had gone through was so harsh that he would never recover. It wasn’t something Ladybug could fix by throwing a Lucy Charm in the air. It wasn’t something capturing an akuma would fix. Defeating Hawkmoth would never help.

“I’m so sorry...” A hot tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she repeated, hating for herself for not knowing how to help him. “Please, stay here.” She sniffled and grabbed his hands, feeling the fallen droplets on his skin. He looked up at her, wanting to cry even more that he had made her cry too. “I promise you with my life that I will protect you. You’re safe here. Just...don’t go. I don’t know what’d happen if you didn’t have somewhere safe to stay.” She took in a shaky breath. “Please don’t leave me.”

Adrien smiled weakly, a smile that shattered Marinette’s heart. The fact that he had found a new place to replace the home he lost comforted him, even if it was temporary. There would be lively dinners, human interaction, people that truly cared about him, and, above all, no Miraculous to worry about, except for his own, of course. His face couldn’t display that joy. The pain was far too strong. Still, he forced himself to smile through the strong frown. “Thank you, Marinette.”

Without hesitation, he pulled her into an enormous hug. He held her tightly, a combination of needing human contact and not wanting to lose the only person that vowed to protect him.

Marinette didn’t freak out for the first time in a while. Seeing him so raw had, in turn, made her raw, which worked in her favor as it controlled her anxiety. She closed her eyes and smiled, the last of her tears falling onto his shoulder.

After embracing each other for a few long moments, they pulled away. Adrien rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, the waterfall finally coming to a halt. He yawned, all of the sudden emotions tiring him out. His chronic lack of sleep wasn’t much help, either.

Marinette, rubbing her eyes, stood up and pushed her chair in. “Do you need anything? I could fix dinner for you if you’d like.”

“No, but thank you. I need to sleep.” He ruffled his already messy hair.

Marinette finally took notice of how horrible he looked. His hair had turned into a bird's nest, looking nothing like the perfectly groomed hair Adrien normally donned. Instead of his typical outfit, he wore a hoodie and sweatpants. He hadn’t even bothered to grab tennis shoes, his feet fitting snug in a pair of slide-on sandals. The kindness that usually sat in his eyes was replaced with a gray haze. Dried tears he hadn’t bothered to wash off sat on top of the dark circles underneath them. This wasn’t the picture-perfect-company-image-Adrien she had come to know. This was his true form, him at his true worst.

"Maybe you should take a shower first," she suggested. Once her words registered, she became flustered again. "N-not that you're bad how you are now! I just thought-"

"No, I understand. I haven't been in the best mood lately. I think the shower can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I need to separate myself from my old home."

An arrow shot through Marinette’s heart, shattering the broken pieces she had begun to put back together. It was almost impossible for her to imagine what it must have been like to be forced to leave all he loved behind. “Do you need to go back there and get a few things? I’d be glad to help.” She would 100% help him as Ladybug. The only problem was explaining how she got Ladybug to do it for her. In such a troubling time, she would willingly reveal her identity to help, but she couldn’t trust him, no matter how much she wanted to. This was Hawkmoth’s son. Even if she knew his heart only shone purity, she couldn’t take any chances.

“I can’t go back there. My father, he’d try to hurt me.” He looked at his Miraculous and made himself aware of Plagg’s presence in his hoodie, half-wishing he had never been given it.

“Why would he do that? I’m sure he still loves you, even if he is...bad.”

"I can't explain it. If I did, it'd only put you in more danger."

"More danger?"

"He can find me, no matter where I am. He knows every single person I associate with. He's going to send my bodyguard and Nathalie. They're going to find out where I am eventually. If they can't, he'll just send over an akuma and figure it out easily." He sighed. "And I can't be akumatized.”

“If you were akumatized, I’m sure Ladybug and Chat Noir would help you.” She saw something strange flash in his eyes. “Besides...I don’t think I’d be in any more danger.” She was. She was Ladybug. She had the Miraculous his father wanted. If he found Adrien and her together and tried to hurt her for helping him...he would figure it out easily and things wouldn’t be so pretty.

“What’s the worst he could do,” she continued, “akumatize me? If neither of us has a Miraculous, there’s no way he’d be able to do much harm to us.”

Plagg squirmed in the hoodie, hitting Adrien’s chest. It was tacit that the kwami was trying to warn him against mentioning his Miraculous. “It doesn’t matter. This will only end in pain. He’s going to find a way to get the Miraculous. He’s angry. Really angry. There’s going to be a super-strong akuma soon, and it’s probably going to be me.”

"Not on my watch." He looked back up at Marinette. "I know how to avoid akumatization. All you have to do is tell yourself there's another way out, and he can't hurt you. Besides, he can't just come into my house and take you. If it comes down to it, we can run off to someone else's house. For now, though, we stay here and keep our eyes open."

_But I have a Miraculous. It's extremely dangerous here_, Adrien wished he could say.

_It is dangerous being around him. I have a Miraculous_, Marinette thought, weighing the good and bad.

Adrien stood up. "Can I go to bed now? I think I need to hit reset for a bit."

Marinette nodded. "You can sleep in my bed if you'd like. I can sleep down here for a while until we figure something out."

"Can you lay with me? I don't feel comfortable being alone." He scratched the back of his head and looked to the side.

"U-uh, yes, I'd love to! Ah, I mean-yes, I'd love to help! Yeah, I'm always ready to help my best friend!"

Adrien smiled. Another yawn came over him, signaling the inevitable sleep barreling towards him like a car with broken brakes. He climbed onto the bed, it’s warmth singing an irresistible song. Marinette followed, not bothering to change out of her normal clothes. A bright blush tinted her face, her anxiety finally coming back. Both teens got under the blanket awkwardly and lay down facing away from each other.

Almost immediately, Adrien fell asleep. He lay completely still, his chest softly rising and falling with his calm breathing. Marinette looked at him and smiled. She was in the same bed as Adrien Agreste! No, she shook her head. He's hurting. This isn't the time to be fangirling.

She turned around and looked at Tikki. Her eyes were narrowed in concern. The usual bounce she had to her idle float had been replaced by anxious pacing. "Tikki, what's wrong?"

"It's just...I feel so bad for him, and... there are other things that I can't tell you, to keep you safe. I'm sure when he's ready he'll tell you," Tikki explained.

Marinette nodded and turned the light off, enveloping the room in comfortable darkness. The lights from Paris peeked through the windows, keeping the room from being completely dark. She closed her eyes and found sleep easy to come. 

Tikki waited until Marinette had fallen asleep before flying over to Plagg, who had hidden under the bed. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm just worried about him. It's a lot to handle, especially since he's so young," Plagg explained.

Tikki understood completely. "Come lay up here. You don't have to worry here." She flew onto the bed, Plagg following. Both kwamis curled up by their owners and lay, hoping Hawkmoth would be kind that night.

———

Marinette’s eyes slowly opened to the annoying sound of her alarm. She groaned and turned it off, wishing for another couple hours of sleep. As she was about to sit up, she felt something laying on her. She looked down. Flesh? Her body froze as she realized what—or who—it was.

A scream almost erupted from her mouth, the sharp pain of her biting her lip preventing it from manifesting. The fact that Adrien had stayed the night had completely gone out the window during her slumber. Surprisingly, he was still fast asleep. He had cuddled up next to her, his arm and leg resting on her.

What was she supposed to do? He looked so peaceful sleeping like that. Cute, even. They couldn't be late for school, though. Well, Marinette couldn't. Not again.

Tikki flew over and gave Marinette a sly grin. Marinette pouted her lip. "This isn't funny!" she whispered. "I slept in the same bed as Adrien Agreste! He slept in my bed!"

All she got in return was that same grin. She turned to face Adrien again, giving up on entrusting her kwami for support. It was now or never. If she hesitated, both of them would be late. She set her hand on his shoulder and shook it softly. "Adrien...it's time to get up."

Luckily, his eyes slid open not long after she began to wake him up. He blinked a couple of times, trying to register where he was. Once he came to, he sat up quickly and looked at Marinette, who had already begun to sit up.

"Good morning," Marinette said, trying to hide her embarrassment. She hoped she’d be the only one to remember the position they had slept in."Let's get ready for school, okay?"

He nodded and was the first to get down, not saying a word. Marinette followed, hoping his silence was only a side effect of his drowsiness.

"I can show you the way to the bathroom," she suggested.

"Okay," he muttered, his voice still hoarse from sleeping.

She led him downstairs, only to be greeted by her mother, who had made breakfast for both of them. "Ah!" Marinette exclaimed, almost falling down the stairs. "M-mom! I can explain it's-"

"Oh, honey, you don't have to explain. I know you're just trying to help a friend out," Sabine said sweetly. "I made breakfast for both of you!"

Both teens walked over to the table, trying to hide their embarrassment. Adrien had finally begun to wake up and fully realized how strange the situation was. With that also came him remembering the events that took place the day before. He swallowed and looked down at the breakfast made for him.

He looked back up at Marinette, who stared at the TV behind him. He smiled, without truly knowing why. He snapped out of it and turned to look at the TV, but Marinette stopped him.

"Ah, so, uh, Adrien..." she began, gaining his attention. "I guess I could help you catch up on what you missed yesterday. Once you're done eating, that is."

He nodded. "Thanks, that would help a lot."

Once they had finished eating in awkward silence, Marinette showed Adrien the way to the bathroom, allowing him to take as much time as he needed.

She sighed on the other side of the door and walked over to her mother. "We need to protect him from the news, Mom."

Her mother nodded, watching the broadcast of Gabriel Agreste.

"_My son and I had a little...argument last night. He ran off, all of his teen angst getting the better of him. I hope we find him soon_."

Marinette narrowed her eyes, knowing the only true reason he wanted Adrien was because he was Hawkmoth. If Adrien was home, the secret would be safe. He could prevent Adrien from saying a thing by locking him up and taking his access to the outside world.

Adrien leaned against the vanity, trying not to cry. Of course, he remembered every single word his father said to him. He wished he could go back, but he couldn't. Not if his father was...

He refused to put those two names in the same sentence. Maybe if he ignored it, he would eventually be numb to it, like everything else. He splashed water on his face, cooling it down and washing the budding tears away with it. Once he dried his face, he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make it look semi-presentable. Tonight, he'd have to return home and get his things, no matter what. He couldn't live with merely the clothes on his back, the ring on his finger, and the cell phone in his pocket.

He pulled the phone out and saw texts from his father and Nathalie. He didn't bother reading them before he deleted them. Sighing, he put the phone back in his pocket and walked out of the bathroom.

He noticed Marinette already had her bookbag resting on her back, standing near the door. He remembered he had forgotten to grab his bag from home, so all of his school work was still there.

Marinette saw he had finished and walked over to him. "We can share notes today. We'll find a way to get your things back later, okay?"

He nodded and followed the girl outside, avoiding the eyes of her parents and the customers. "I'm sorry, again, for dragging you into all of this."

"No, no, don't apologize! I'm always happy to help, Adrien." They crossed the street and walked to the school in silence, both trying to find the right words to say.

Neither of them was able to say anything because Alya and Nino had noticed them walking together. Alya ran over, dragging Nino with her.

"Marinette! Adrien! Fancy seeing you two here," Alya said, obviously wanting a full-length essay about why they had come to school together.

"Dude, are you okay? You look horrible," Nino noted, worried for his best friend.

"Oh, yeah, I still don't feel too well," he scratched the back of his head.

"Hmm." Alya narrowed her eyes. "You don't look sick. Why didn't your bodyguard bring you to school today?"

He froze. "Uh...because, uh..." He could feel himself about to cry with the mention of a piece of his home. He bit his lip, trying to hold back the gushing river.

"It's a long story, guys," Marinette cut in. "How about you let him explain when he's ready?"

Alya stepped back, her eyes widening slightly. "Woah, someone's getting defensive."

"Al, let's just let them go," Nino, suggested, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"But this is big news! Marinette not being flustered around Adrien, Adrien looking like he recently climbed out of a grave, and both of them arriving at school together without his bodyguard! Is this not–"

"Let it go."

Alya looked at her two friends, who looked more uncomfortable now. She sighed and heeded Nino's advice. "Whatever, just let us know when you're ready."

They all walked inside and into class in silence. Adrien leaned into Marinette's ear. "Can I sit by you today?" He asked.

She nodded, blushing. She sat down and patted the seat next to her, signaling for Adrien to sit down. He sat down and toyed with his Miraculous subconsciously, not having much to do. As he sat in silence, his ears picked up the conversations of others.

_Did you hear what happened?_

_No, what?_

_Gabriel Agreste just came on the news and said Adrien had run away last night!_

_But...he's right there._

_Where did he go?_

_What happened to him?_

He tried to hold back his tears, but one slid down his cheek, causing the rest of them to flow. There was no sobbing, no messiness. Only tears falling down his cheeks and him burying his head in his arms to hide them.

Marinette noticed he had lain his head down and became concerned. He wasn't one to sleep in class or even rest his head. Still, she let him be, hoping he'd be fine. In his state, he didn’t need to be pestered.

He was anything but fine, but he had to hide his pain. He didn't know why. Maybe if nobody could see his pain, he wouldn't worry about others. If he hid his pain then everyone would be safer. Marinette's life was already in danger. Nobody else needed to be put in danger because of himself.

Once he felt the tears stop, he lifted his head, sniffled, and rubbed his eyes. He rested his head in his hand and spaced out as Miss Bustier began her lesson.


	4. Alone

The lunch bell echoed throughout the classroom, a sound Adrien wished would wait to sound. Lunch only meant others had the freedom to come over to him and bombard with questions he wasn’t ready to answer. He knew they had good intentions, but all he needed was to be left alone. Marinette was the only one he felt comfortable sharing his story with, only because he knew she wasn't the kind to interrogate.

He looked across the table to see Marinette and Alya engaged in a lively conversation. Below him, Nino had his headphones on, trying to figure out which of his thousands of songs to listen to. Everyone seemed to be doing better things than rescue him from the stares he felt on every inch of his body. He slumped down in his seat and prayed Marinette or Nino would hurry up.

“So...ready to tell me about this morning?” Alya asked, leaning in towards her friend.

“I told you, it’s not up to me.” She glanced over at Adrien briefly, noticing he had fallen into the seat. “Whenever Adrien’s ready I’ll let him explain. Until then, leave me and him alone.”

“Awww, c’mon, girl! This is big news!”

“I’ll tell you this: we’re not dating.” She crossed her arms.

“Are you sure about that?”

“I told you, it’s not romantic.” She turned to face Adrien. “Adrien lets go.”

Adrien’s face lit up a bit, happy to finally be able to leave that suffocating classroom. He stood up and walked down the stairs. Before he was able to reach the bottom, Chloe jumped in front of him.

“Adrikins!” She exclaimed. Her arms shot up to wrap themselves around his neck, but he grabbed them before they could even touch him.

“Go away,” he ordered, staring her straight in the eye.

She pulled her arms away and pouted. “But—”

“Come on Chloe, leave him alone,” Marinette chimed in, coming to save Adrien. She walked over and stood next to him, hoping to get that horrid leech off of him. “You’re the last person he needs to be talking to.”

Chloe scoffed and put her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what makes you think you can just swoop in and help Adrien all of a sudden. Just because you think he’s hot doesn’t mean you have the right to manipulate his mind. Right, Adrikins?”

He shot her a cold death glare. Her nonsense was so unbearable that it hurt. All of his patience had evaporated with the joy he once had. There was so much cluttering his mind. Chloe did not need to be added to the mix.

Not moving his glare off of Chloe, he grabbed Marinette’s wrist and pulled her away from the angry blonde. He heard Chloe yelling at them but happily chose to ignore her. Once they left her sight, he let go of her. “Thanks for standing up for me back there.”

“Oh, uh, you’re w-welcome!” She smiled, happy to have helped him even if it was just a little bit. It wasn’t only helping him, though. Putting Chloe in her place benefited everyone. Recently, she had become unbearable, making everyone’s lives even more miserable. It felt nice to be able to talk back to her for once.

The teens walked outside, both caught up in their thoughts. A news crew ran for them, not even letting them get a nice breath of fresh air.

“As our suspicions confirmed, Adrien Agreste has been spotted at his school.” The reporter shoved the microphone in Adrien’s face. “Adrien, your father is worried sick about you.”

“Great,” he said coldly, backing away from the microphone.

“Shouldn’t you return home? Your father says—”

“I don’t give a damn about what that man says. He deserves to rot in hell.” He turned and began walking away, Marinette following.

The reporter was taken aback by his strong language. “We have your bodyguard and—”

“Leave him alone,” Marinette demanded. “He’s going through a lot right now, can’t you see? How would you feel if you were emotional and someone came rushing at you with a camera asking you questions?”

“Ma’am, are you the one sheltering him while he’s on the run?”

“It’s none of your business.” She continued to walk away with Adrien. Whatever good mood she had was crushed by the crazed reporter. Anger and annoyance bubbled inside her like magma getting ready to spew out of a volcano. She tried her hardest to calm herself down, trying to avoid potential akumatization. Taking a deep, calming breath, she leaned in towards Adrien. “Are you okay?”

He stopped walking, the crosswalk displaying a stop sign. “Yeah, I’m used to the paparazzi. They get on my nerves, though. Especially ones like her.”

Marinette hummed in thought, being unable to relate well. The only time she had a bad experience with cameras was when Jagged Stone came to her bakery to film a TV show. She couldn’t imagine feeling like she did back then all the time. The light turned green, so she stepped onto the street. “Let’s eat lunch at my house today. We need some peace and quiet after all that.”

“Okay,” Adrien said, void of emotion. He didn’t care where they went, as long as he wasn’t going to be bothered about the entire runaway situation. He’d be fine following the current for a while. Whatever happened, he didn’t care, so long as it didn’t evoke negative emotions. His mind was racing so fast he had no mental energy to deal with anything else but his internal struggles.

They walked into the apartment, its quietness hugging Adrien’s ears. It was what he needed: a private, quiet space where he wouldn’t be bothered by anyone, excluding Marinette, of course. She never annoyed him. In fact, she was the only person who seemed to actually care about him. She never pressed him for information, instead of respecting his sensitivity.

He watched her walk into the small kitchen and open the refrigerator. A small light flickered on inside his heart, destroying some of the dark and twisty negativity taking hold of him. For the first time, he felt something different towards her.

It was probably just him being happy that she was helping, he figured. He took a seat at the dining room table. As he thought, his eyes studied the wood patterns on the tabletop. Marinette was just a really good friend trying to help out a friend. He was feeling joy. That’s what it was. It was impossible for him to be in love with her. There was no way. He’d know if he was, right?

The thoughts came to a halt when a pale hand set a plate down in front of him. He blinked and shook his head lightly to break his thoughts. Marinette took a seat next to him, setting her own plate down in front of her. A soft smile curled on his lips. She truly cared about him. She was perhaps the only person who did. Happy to have chosen the right person to confide in, he took a bite out of his food.

Marinette also began eating her food. As she chewed, she felt anxious snakes slithering up her body. She knew she was forgetting something, she just couldn’t remember what it was. All of her homework was done. There weren’t any projects due that day. Deep in thought, trying to figure out what she had forgotten, she took another bite. Then, it came back to her: she had a lunchtime patrol that day. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t just leave Adrien alone. What would she say, anyway? “Hey I’m Paris’s superhero and I’ve gotta go make sure your father isn’t terrorizing our city!” Something told her it wouldn’t sit too well with him.

“I’m gonna try to go back to my house and get a few things,” Adrien announced, pulling her out of her wild thoughts.

She looked at him with wide eyes and swallowed her food. “How are you gonna get there unnoticed?”

“I have a way of sneaking into my room without being seen by the security cameras.”

“I should go with you, just to be safe.”

“No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t be too long, anyway.”

“Okay...” she sighed. They were in no condition to argue, especially Adrien. “Don’t do anything stupid. I promised I’d protect you with my life. I intend to keep that promise.”

He smiled, happy she remembered what she said last night. “Okay. I shouldn’t take too long.” Slowly, he stood up, stretching on the way. He waved goodbye and left the apartment, his heart beating abnormally quickly.

Marinette sighed in relief. Well, that makes things easier. I could even watch over him as Ladybug to make sure he’s safe!

She bounced up and grabbed both plates. Tikki flew out of her bag as Marinette danced over to the sink, humming happily.

“You seem really happy,” Tikki pointed out.

“Why wouldn’t I be? Adrien is basically living with me! This is the closest I’ve been with him...ever!” She turned on the warm water and grabbed the sponge lying next to the faucet.

“Well, I’m happy that you’re happy!” Tikki smiled. “But...don’t forget why he’s here in the first place.”

Marinette looked up at her kwami as she scrubbed the plates. “I know...it’s not safe anymore. We have to be on our toes 24/7.” She looked back down to set the clean plate on the drying rack. “If it means helping Adrien, I’d put my life on the line.” She placed the other clean plate next to the one already sitting in the drying rack. “Anyway, it’s time for our patrol. Tikki spots on!”

With a bright flash of light, she turned into Ladybug. She walked up to her rooftop balcony, ready for another boring patrol. Looking out over Paris, she searched for any nearby danger, none to be seen. Satisfied, she hooked her yo-yo on a rooftop far away and flew across the rooftops, looking for Adrien.

Adrien walked closer to his house. His heart pounded faster and faster with each step. He had to look around constantly to make sure nobody was following him. It wasn’t great, but it was a small price to pay for satisfaction. The mansion appeared in eyesight once he switched streets. It felt like bad karma being there. His senses were on ultra-sensitivity mode, every single change in atmosphere, every sound, every smell setting off alarms.

An akuma appeared in his vision as it flew over the gate protecting the large house. It sent his emergency systems haywire. He froze, watching it dance closer to him. Shaking his head, he ran back around the corner and let Plagg fly out of his pocket.

“Plagg claws out!” He said with almost no emotion. Once he was Chat Noir, he felt his body disconnect from Adrien’s problems ever so slightly. It was enough to make him feel more like himself.

He pulled out his staff and opened the phone. Quickly, he called Ladybug, hoping she’d pick up soon. Relief flooded his body when he heard her pick up. “What’s up, kitty?”

“Just spotted an akuma near the Agreste Mansion.”

She gasped. “Adrien...” she whispered.

“What about him?” Just as he said that it all clicked in his head. The akuma was out for him. His father was looking for him, and he had foolishly fallen into his trap. “M’Lady, come quickly,” he ordered just as the akuma entered the staff.

An extremely powerful evil entered his mind, enhancing all of his negative emotions. He stumbled, trying his hardest to resist the mind control.

“Chat Blanc,” Hawkmoth began, his voice appearing in his mind, “I am Hawkmoth, although I’m sure you know that already. I’m giving you the power to destroy everything that brings you pain. In return, you will get me Ladybug’s Miraculous and bring me yours along with it.”

Chat Noir shook his head. “No...I won’t listen to you,” he muttered, trying his hardest to stay sane. His back hit the wall behind him. The world turned dark, Hawkmoth’s face appearing in the void. It was the last face he wanted to see. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get rid of his disgusting face, but it was there, too.

“If you successfully get me Ladybug’s Miraculous, I will let you destroy me too.”

“No...please...I don’t...want to hurt anyone...” He tried letting go of the staff, but it wouldn’t work. It was as if his hand was super-glued to it. Something in him was holding him back from dropping it. An emotion deep down that was subconsciously telling him there was no hope.

“Oh, you don’t have to hurt anyone. All you have to do is erase the things that remind you of all the pain you so desperately need to let go. Once you let go of all your pain, you won’t have to feel so horrible anymore.”

His eyes widened, the mind control finally taking hold of the last bits of sanity he had left. All of his sanity screamed as it was overtaken by the heavy influence of the akuma. “Yes, Hawkmoth,” he muttered mindlessly, Chat Noir no longer present.

Ladybug dropped her yo-yo, having heard every single word of Chat Noir’s struggle and Hawkmoth’s successful attempt to bring him to the dark side. The one person she entrusted her life with, the person she felt closest with, had been akumatized. He had been in pain and she hadn’t known about it. Hawkmoth knew and he happily took advantage of that. She cursed herself for not knowing his pain earlier.

She looked over at the Agreste Mansion, watching a white figure jump on its rooftop.

“Chat...” she muttered sadly, the reality of her newest enemy washing over her.


End file.
